Shattered Back Together
by Matthew Talbain
Summary: Ranma's alone at home when he gets hold of the Goddess Relief Hotline. Several hours later, a distressed Ranma makes an inadvertent wish and finds himself Urd's new brother! And who's this new girl who's captured Ranma's attention?
1. None Can Escape God's Gaze

Shattered Back Together

A Ranma Nibunoichi x-over

by Kitsune Saotome

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. So leave me alone.

Send comments and reviews to

Advice welcome, flames oblitzerated.

"" denotes Japanese

()denotes Chinese

[] denotes telephone conversation

Prologue: None Can Escape God's Gaze....

-------Nerima, Tendo home--------

Ranma Saotome, age seventeen, awakened for the first time in years on his own. This, in normal circumstances, would not be such a strange thing. But in Ranma's case, for the last six years he could remember, his father had awakened him by brutally kicking him in the ribs just after he'd eaten breakfast (of which he'd never given any to the adolescent martial artist). Even more recently, Ranma had been forced awake, if not by his father tossing him out the window into the koi pond, then by his fiance, Akane Tendo, splashing a bucket of cold water onto the sleeping young man. Either way, Ranma barely spent the morning as a boy. Strangely, under normal circumstances, this would seem odd. However, as it was, this was most definitely not a normal circumstance. No, Ranma had been cursed to turn into an amazingly cute red-headed girl due to a mishap on his training journey of ten years. Said mishap also caused his father to become a rather large panda, so Ranma was glad he wasn't alone in the curse department. Anyway, back to the matter at hand.

Ranma woke up early on this particular summer day. There was indeed a reason that Ranma was allowed to awaken on his own. He was alone in the house, aside from the ever-present Kasumi. Ranma smiled gently as his thoughts caressed that particular topic. Kasumi was the only person in Nerima that gave him any reprieve whatsoever from the day-to-day chaos. Truth be told, Ranma loved Kasumi. No, it wasn't that kind of love, it was the kind of love he'd been wanting to give someone for ten years of his life. The love from a son to his mother. Sure, Ranma's real mother had shown up, but, truth be told, Ranma really didn't feel anything RESEMBLING love coming from her. All she felt was important was the gods-be-damned seppuku pledge to be a "man-among-men". Ranma scowled as that thought entered his mind, and he promptly drowned it as he stepped out of his room with a spare outfit for after his bath. A few quick splashes and fifteen minutes later, Ranma was toweling himself off as he entered the kitchen, still shirtless from the bath.

Ranma sat down after giving Kasumi a good morning hug, something he had little chance to do when the house was full. "Mornin', Kas-chan. What's fer breakfast?" inquired the martial artist. A gentle giggle from Kasumi elicited a grin on Ranma's part.

"Now, now, Ranma-kun. You know I won't accept that kind of talk at the breakfast table," was the eldest Tendo's retort. She mockingly brandished her large wooden spoon at the poor boy, who was sweeping his long hair over his shoulder. He hadn't felt like putting it into its trademark pigtail after that bath. Kasumi giggled again as Ranma stood and bowed low, taking on a mocking air as he swept his hair over his shoulder once again.

"My apologies, fair damsel. I did not mean to distress thee with mine uncouth slang. Such as it is, I am unworthy to bask in your most divine presence! Hark! For I shall this day give up mine ungodly ways and follow in the hallowed footsteps of the lovely goddess that is Kasumi Tendo, divine lady of the kitchen and household!" Ranma was getting pretty good at his Kuno impression. Kasumi giggled yet again as Ranma sat down at the table once more.

"Oh, my, Ranma-kun! Your hair...it's different today. Would you like me to put it up for you?"

Ranma was surprised at the offer, but smiled gently. He had been having more trouble with it of late. He'd had to keep pinning the excess hair he was growing under his ears or wrap it back around his pigtail. Ranma nodded, a small smile on his face. "Sure thing, Kasumi. Ya know, I was wonderin' if ya might be able ta put it up in a braid 'stead of a pigtail this time around."

Kasumi frowned slightly as she held Ranma's shoulder-length locks in her hands. She sighed. "I'm sorry, Ranma-kun, but I don't think a braid would look good on you with this amount of hair. A ponytail, though, would look very nice on you. Better even than your pigtail. Why the sudden change, though?"

Ranma smirked as he let Kasumi put his hair up in a slightly-shorter-than-shoulder-length ponytail, leaving the sections of his bangs he'd ben wrapping into his pigtail fall like twin tails next to his temples to shoulder length. "Eh, I just felt like a change, Kas-chan. With your family an' Pops down at the beach with Ukyo an' them, I thought maybe now's the perfect time for it." With that, the young man before Kasumi quickly put on his shirt and looked into the koi pond at his reflection. "Awesome job, Kas-chan. I love the new look."

Kasumi practically glowed, but then frowned as she looked at the kitchen clock. "Oh my. I'm going to be late, Ranma-kun. Are you sure you'll be fine all by yourself for three days?" She bit her thumbnail nervously as she stared at the peaceful young man sitting at the entrance to the kitchen from the back yard.

"Yeah, I'll be fine Kas-chan. You go on out an' see your cousin. You need some free time, I'm sure I'll be fine. Be better than if it were just me an' Akane." Ranma visibly shuddered at that thought. Kasumi frowned. She had thought, once, that Ranma and Akane really did love each other under their warring exteriors. But Ranma seemed to be growing further away from the girl with every single mallet strike to the head. And nowadays, it seemed that Akane had a malicious grin each time she pelted the poor boy. Kasumi merely nodded her head and proceeded to the front door. As she reached for her coat, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her in a brotherly hug.

"I'll be fine, Kas-chan. Alls I gotta know is that you're gonna be okay, an' I'll be fine. Engagement an' Pops notwithstanding, I feel like you're the only family I have, Kasumi, really. Now you go an' have fun with your cousin."

Kasumi blushed brilliantly as Ranma poured his heart out like that. It felt nice to know that Ranma felt that way, it would help with all of the problems his lfe had. As she stepped into her waiting taxi, she gave Ranma a final goodbye wave, to which he waved back. Once her cab was out of sight, Ranma was sidling off to the phone. He dialed a quick few numbers and waited for the person on the other line to pick up.

[Hello, Goddess Relief Hotline, we'll have a...oh, of course, Father. A representative will be by shortly.]

Ranma placed the phone on the reciever, wondering if he'd gotten a wrong number, and looked into his pocket. No, he'd dialed the number correctly. Maybe Hiroshi had given him a wrong number? No, he recognized it perfectly as the number of his friend.

"Hello, Ranma."

Ranma's thoughts were interrupted as a voice that could only be described as sexiness itself came from behind him. He damn near jumped thirty feet into the air, but because he knew that would be quite painful because of the ceiling that would interrupt such a jump, he kept his feet on the ground. He turned around somewhat shakily to see a tall, very well-formed woman standing in front of him. Her platinum hair accentuated her revealing attire, which in turn accentuated her voluptuous curves. Ranma, however, was paying more attention to the facial markings than anything. She had a strange triangular mark in the center of her forehead, and two triangular marks below and slightly to the outer rim of her eyes.

"Er....hi. Uh....who're you?"

Urd, Goddess of the Past, second class, chuckled slightly as she took in the man before her. She drank in his handsome, angular face and the midnight black hair that framed his face. She took in the confident stance with which he held himself and knew instinctively that he was a fighter, and felt that that green silk shirt and the tight black jeans (he'd opted not to wear his loose silk pants, they were too hot in the summer.) suited him. Then she looked into his eyes. Her first reaction was to drown inside those icy blue depths, but as she pulled herself together, she noticed for the first time the horrible pain hidden within those mirthless orbs. The pain of having had to kill, the agony of being alone. Urd recognized the last one easily. She herself had been alone ever since Troubadour had dumped her.

"My name is Urd, Goddess of the Past, second class, and I am here to grant you a wish."

Urd nearly started when Ranma just shrugged and sat down on the living room sofa. She was so shocked she almost missed him pat the sofa cushion next to him as an invitation to sit, but she didn't, and soon both were situated comfortably on the sofa.

"You're taking this rather well, Ranma."

Ranma merely shrugged. "When ya can make tornadoes, throw around ki blasts, an' half the people ya know can turn into different things with just an application'a cold water, ya kinda get desensitized to tha supernatural." Ranma's eyes took on a wistful quality that Urd could easily identify with.

"I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Again, a shrug. "Eh, it's okay. If I ain't used to it by now, I ain't never gonna get used to it....Pops, Mom, Tendo-san, Akane...all of it's just...just..well....it's painful, but ya get used to it."

Urd smiled. She'd help him out by talking with him first, then maybe he'd be able to make a wish based on what they'd discussed. Mentally patting herself on the back, Urd shifted in her seat.

"Why don't you talk about it? I'd like to hear all about it, Ranma."

He couldn't explain why, and later on, he still wouldn't be able to figure it out. Maybe it was that she was a goddess, maybe it was just that he'd needed to gush to somebody besides Doctor Tofu and Kasumi, but he found himself expelling his entire life story to the goddess. And the day wore on....

--------------------5 hours and two pizza deliveries later--------------------

"......and the last thing I saw was a coupla okonomiyaki bombs, Shampoo throwin' some weird shit at me, and Happosai glowin' mad, headin' right at me, and then BAM, lights out. That happened just before school let out a coupla months ago. Sometimes, it feels so hopeless, Urd...lie...like I'm fightin' a losin' battle, an' the only way ta win....is ta die."

Urd was shaking with barely repressed rage. How could Father allow this poor boy to suffer like this?! How did he manage to stay sane?!?! Urd's anger had blossomed when she'd heard how Genma had taught Ranma "the right way to fall" by tossing him off of their roof when he was five. It had grown significantly when she heard about the seppuku pledge. How could a mother let her own son go so easily, and ask for his LIFE if he didn't meet up to her outdated and perverted standards?! The anger became a full-blown fury when she heard about the Neko-ken. She'd have to talk to Bast about that, and soon. She fell into a nearly uncontrollable rage when she heard about Genma's "training methods", such as slamming Ranma into a tree to toughen him up, making him run while tied to a train headed for Kyoto to build his speed, making him wade upriver while carrying a load of rocks and provisions Genma had had him steal (yet another training method that Genma disguised as a game) to build strength, and making him run away from a pack of wolves while carrying his fat father and all of their provisions to build strength, endurance, and speed. When she heard about Jusenkyo and all the details around it, Urd exploded in a furious tirade threatening Genma's life thousands of times over. She simmered until she heard about the Amazon village incident, and just when her temper was beginning to come down from a boil, Ranma told her about Akane's betrayal and the nonsense about it "being different when a girl sees a boy". Urd wanted some retribution, damn the consequences. Urd had developed a nasty twitch as she heard all about Akane's repeated beatings, Ukyo's use of her "friendship" with Ranma to score points on the fiance board, and Shampoo's mockery of his personal space, Fortunately, Ryoga and Mousse had toned down their attacks and accepted Ranma as a friend, more or less. Still, Mount Urd was ready to erupt when Ranma finished this last part of his story. She almost beamed with pride at the young man before her. He deserved at LEAST a dozen wishes for putting up with his life and staying sane, and he deserved a dozen more for taking care of that upstart Saffron. She smiled, albeit strainedly, at the martial artist that was now crying in her arms.

"Ranma...you've put up with so much. It's a wonder you're still sane. I've only met you today, yet still I can't help but feel proud of you."

Ranma smiled as he leaned comfortably against Urd. It felt nice to be held like this. Truth be told, it felt like he'd found a sister, somebody to confide all of his secrets in. He settled down and sighed. Life was so unfair.

"I wish I were a god so I could have a sister like you."

Ranma jumped back and took a fighting stance as he heard Urd gasp. He looked around for the threat until he noticed Urd's marks glowing brightly. She turned to face him.

"Wish....approved."

Ranma felt a searing nausea overwhelm him as he fell to his knees. His body began to glow intermittently, then sudenly exploded in a cacophony of light. His body suddenly shot straight up into the air, hovering at least three feet off the ground, and a noiseless scream could be felt as Urd stared at the young man. As suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. Dazed and confused, he fell to his knees. Nothing visible had changed, but Urd knew that that would change momentarily.

"Wha...what happened?"

"I granted your wish."

Ranma shook his head to clear it, then gaped widely at Urd. Then his last words before the light show began came to mind and he bashed himself upside the head. Saotome foot-in-mouth does it again. Just as he was about to ask Urd some more questions, a bolt of lightning could be heard to strike the ground just outside the Tendo home. Urd walked outside, and Ranma followed. There, in the back yard, was a smoking message that Ranma coud not read. As he stared at it, it slowly began to make sense to him. Just before he could fully understand it, Urd took him by the arm and led him back inside.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's up!?!"

Urd turned to the poor boy that she was dragging along. She sighed and looked him dead in the eye. "Kami-sama wishes to speak with both of us, so I'm going to take you to Asgard so we can get this cleared up. By the way, you've got a new sister."

Before Ranma could piece that together, Urd had dragged him into the television set. How she managed that was beyond him.

Nauseous. That's how he felt, nauseous. It was par for the course, today, but still, it was getting annoying. As he reeled from the trip through T.V. Land, Urd was leading him through a lushly decorated building to Kami-sama's office. He didn't notice the lush landscape and the odd change in decor, from middle ages-European to ancient Norse to ancient Egyptian to modern times to a futuristic look for a while, but he did eventually notice the rather huge tree that seemingly housed everything around him. As he entered the office, Urd on his heels, he took note of a secretary sitting at the desk. Ranma looked around a took a seat. Urd, meanwhile, walked up to the secretary.

"Hey, Inca, we're here for an appointment with Kami-sama."

"Oh, hi, Urd. Hmm, let me see.....yes, you and a...Ranma Saotome? have an appointment. He'll see you right now."

Urd smiled and took Ranma by the hand, leading the young man into the office of God himself. Now, Ranma was not very religious by nature, oh, no. He was rather in the dark when it came to such ceremonies and religion because of his upbringing at the hands of his father. However, even he did not expect what he saw before him. A tall man, dressed in a spritely business suit, was clipping a bonsai. A frown creased his features, but he shook it off, placed his clippers on the desk, and turned towards his guests, revealing a patch over his left eye. Ranma gasped slightly.

"WELCOME, CHILDREN."

"Hello, Father." Urd smiled as she gazed once more upon her father's figure. She sighed as she looked at the eye-patch. Oh, well.

"Er..h.....h...hell.....hello, K-k-kami-sama...." Ranma was alternating between prostrating himself and bowing profusely. Urd developed a sweatdrop at this, but decided to let it go even as Kami-sama began chuckling. Ranma ceased his frantic activities and looked up.

"PLEASE, STAND, RANMA. YOU ARE NO DOUBT WONDERING WHY I ALLOWED YOU TO BECOME A GOD?" He didn't wait for the nod. "RANMA, YOU POSSESS A NOBLE SPIRIT AND A DESIRE TO DO RIGHT. YOU ALWAYS SEEK OUT THE HONORABLE PATH. I HAVE NEED OF SUCH A GOD, AND URD HAS ALSO NEEDED COMPANIONSHIP ASIDE FROM HER THREE SISTERS. YOUR WISH WAS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR ME. YOU CAN STILL RETURN TO YOUR HUMANITY, BUTKNOW THAT THIS IS THE LAST TIME THIS OFFER SHALL FALL TO YOU. DO YOU ACCEPT GODHOOD, OR WILL YOU RETURN TO YOUR HUMANITY?"

Ranma considered it. On the one hand, he would become a god, with responsibilities and powers that humans could not comprehend. As a human, he'd go right back into that mess he called a life, the life that he was about to break him apart. But he had friends down there, or at least, he thought he did. Ukyo never really paid attention to him as a friend, Shampoo probably didn't even know what the word meant, and Akane....Akane'd killed that chance when she pelted Ranma upsided the head with the kitchen table that first day. Then Ranma looked at Urd and saw something he'd never had before. A friend, a sister. Ranma turned to Kami-sama and bowed his head.

"Sir....I...I accept."

Kami-sama smiled benevolently. He's known what Ranma would choose. Even if it was just out of the goodness of his heart, he would have chosen to be a god. Yes, Ranma would make a fine god indeed. "I KNOW, MY SON."

Ranma was prepared for anything...except Kami-sama disappearing. Ranma almost managed to voice out a cry for help until he found a palm barely inches away from his face. His mind barely made the connection that it belonged to Kami-sama before the whole world went white.....

-------------The beach-----------

Cologne started as her favorite tea cup shattered in her hands. Cologne narrowed her eyes.

What's wrong, Great-grandmother? Xian Pu was worried. That was her great-grandmother's favorite cup, and she'd had it enchanted in tune with Ranma's ki just in case something untoward happened to Xian Pu's airen.

Cologne, for her part, stared shocked at the remians of her cup. The way it shattered meant that Ranma's ki was completely snuffed out...and the only way for ki to be snuffed out was for the individual to the rest of the Nerima crew....I think that a proud warrior has died this day. And speak Japanese, child!" If Ranma really was dead, then it became all the more important for Xian Pu to be able to speak proper Japanese. So the violet-tressed young woman did not escape a painful thwack to the head even as she let out a bone-chilling wail.

----------Kami-sama's office----------

Ranma collapsed into Urd's arms, shaking like a leaf on a tree in a hurricane. He nearly collapsed to his knees, but Urd held him up and looked to Kami-sama. The All-Father smiled knowingly and picked up his pruning shears, retreating once again to his bonsai.

"DO NOT WORRY, DAUGHTER. HE WILL BE ALRIGHT. TAKE HIM TO THE SYSTEM AND FIND OUT WHAT HE IS TO BE INFLUENCING, AND DO NOT FORGET TO GET HIM HIS ANGEL."

Urd nodded, but not before Ranma stood up shakily. The boy looked at Kami-sama with awe in his eyes. "What..what was that? Why do I hurt so bad?"

Yet another all-knowing smile was his answer, though it quickly turned into a frown as he got stuck on a branch. Ranma stepped forward and deftly clipped the back of the branch, bringing yet another smile to Kami-sama's face. "MY SON, YOU WERE REBORN. YOUR ESSENCE WAS REMADE TO THAT OF A GOD, AND FOR THAT, YOU NEEDED TO DIE. YOU ARE NOW COMPLETELY A GOD. GO WITH URD NOW, MY SON. YOU AND YOUR SISTER HAVE A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO."

"Yes, Father." Ranma nodded and began walking away, and Urd saw his face for the first time since entering the office. Upon his brow was a yin-yang, and in his hair were streaks of red. An odd pair of slash marks appeared just underneath his eyes, like jagged cat scratches. Urd took Ranma's hand and began leading the new god away. Both turned when Kami-sama could be heard clearing his throat.

"RANMA? THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP WITH THE BONSAI. IT LOOKS PERFECT."

A blush was his only answer as Ranma was led off to the system administrators for his information and his angel.

------------------Streets of Asgard(1)----------------

"So now you really are my sister?"

"It's more of a title than anything else, we could still do things romantically. Hell, over in the Olympian pantheon they have trouble keeping Zeus from having sex with his own CHILDREN!"

"That's...od-whoa!! Check that guy out!"

Ranma was rubbernecking like crazy, taking in all the sights. Currently, they were walking towards the administration hall, and Urd was explianing all that he'd need to know about being a god. And Urd was having fun. Not that she'd admit it, at least not to Ranma, but it was hilarious watching him try to absorb all the sights of Asgard while taking in his necessary know-how.

"Now, Ranma, you no longer have ki. I know you don't like magic much, but you're pretty much made out of it now."

"Huh?"

"Instead of ki, you have something that's called mana. It's the life essence of gods and goddesses. Because of this, you're no longer going to be able to use your ki attacks, nor will ki attacks affect you. You will, however, need to learn how to use magic. It's really easy, once you get used to it, and people who've had experience with ki normally learn all of the necessary magic steps very, very quickly. Ah, here we are. Let's just get over to my terminal and find out what you've got." Urd grinned as Ranma took in the different forms of goddesses around him. Many wore revealing, risque clothing. Still others wore armor and odd, horned helmets. A few, wearing strange golden robes and headdresses, resembled animals. Luckily for Ranma, Bast was back home in her own pantheon with Sekhmet and Ptah. He didn't realize that, however, and settled for following Urd to her terminal. Said goddess sat in her chair and swept some long-built-up soda cans and crumbs from her desk, looking suitably embarrassed for the mess. She typed a few commands into her computer and came up with Ranma's information listing.

"Hmm....let's see...Name: Ranma Ohkami. No surprise there. Areas of Influence: Martial Arts, Rain, and Cats. Wow, that's a lot of influence. Category: Two. Class: Two. Probationary License. Damn, you're gonna have some serious power to throw around for a rookie. I guess Father's got a lot of confidence in you. Medium: Windows and Doorways. I don't get that...Weapon of Choice: Talon Claws. What're those? Secondary Energy Source: Alcohol. What the hell? You don't drink! Well, now you do. Affiliated Deities; Urd, Norn Goddess of the Past-Sister; Belldandy, Norn Goddess of the Present-Sister; Skuld, Norn Goddess of the Future-Sister; Raiden, Japanese God of Thunder and Lightning-Brother; Fujin, Japanese God of Winds and Gales-Brother; Bast, Egyptian Goddess of Pleasure-Mother; Sekhmet, Egyptian Goddess of War and Battle-Mother. Authorization: Probationary Level Two. So you're gonna get my authorization when you get your license. Well, first things first. Let's go get your claws and a rule book, then we go meet your brothers and your new mothers."

Ranma was confused as hell by everything she said, but it was too late. Before he could open his mouth, his sister was dragging him off to the Norse section of Asgard. Ranma wisely clapped his trap shut as they came upon a tall log building with a pair of huge oak doors before them. Urd opened the doors and pushed Ranma into the building, where he ended up right in front of some form of counter. A tall, eye-patched woman with a large amount of armor looked down at him and smiled.

"Hi, Hilda. Meet Ranma, my brother. Ranma, this is the Valkyrie Hilda. She runs the armory."

The woman grinned and toussled Ranma's hair. Ranma would have protested this, but his mind had shut down completely upon seeing the racks of weapons behind the counter.

"Brother, eh? Well, ya been needin' one, in ma opinion, lass. Ah, well. Me guess is yeh're here fer 'is weapon, aye? 'Ell, let's get back there. What's 'is weapon, eh, Urd?"

"Talon Claws, whatever those are."

"Talon Claws? Aye, Ah know what those weapons are. Aye, good choice fer a fighter, if Ah may say so."

Ranma managed to snap out of his trance as he followed the two goddesses into a section of shelves, through a door Ranma had not previously seen. Right in front of Ranma was a HUGE selection of broadswords, longswords, and axes. A shelf over, there were handaxes, broadaxes, throwing axes, and hatchets. Yet another shelf over, there were knives, katana, daggers, tanto, and wakizashi all over the place. They came upon another door, labelled "Dynasty", and here, the valkyrie stopped.

"In here's where yeh'll find all ken of claws, spears, and other such weaponry. Reason the claws're put in here...well....yeh're gonna meet 'im."

She opened the door, ushered Urd and Ranma in, and closed in behind her. The trio followed a narrow hallway until the came upon a group of three people sparring. One, a tall man with long, flowing hair was dressed in a red robe of sorts, with a leather drape embossed in gold on his shoulders, much like an odd breastplate. He carried a long blade with a sharp curve at the tip and odd veins of light blinking in its edge. Another, a man with a hairstyle much like Ranma's, wearing a jade breastplate, armlets, and shin guards wielded a fiery spear with a red tassle underneath the cruelly-barbed head. The third, wearing only an odd violet shoulder guard on his right shoulder, carried a pair of daggers. His violet silk pants and ponytail seemed to suit him well. Upon seeing that they had company, the trio ceased their battles and looked towards Ranma. All three bowed, and Ranma bowed back.

"Er...hi. I'm Ranma, the new God of Martial Arts, Rain, and Cats."

At this, all three chuckled slightly and bowed again. The man in green stepped forward.

"I am Zhao Yun, formerly of the Shu Dynasty, Chinese God of War and Morale. My weapon is the unbeatable Fierce Dragon!"

As he stepped back with a flourish of his spear, the man in red stepped forward.

"I am Zhou Yu, former retainer to Sun Ce of the Wu Dynsaty and the Chinese God of Tactics and Battle. I wield the ageless Ancient Sword!"

He swept his blade in a defiant manner before settling back to his place. The third stepped forward and grinned, sweeping his hands in an exaggerated bow before standing up with a flourish.

"I, Zhang He, former general of the Wei Kingdom and Chinese God of Beauty, am at your service, Lord Ranma. I assume you are here for a weapon?"

Ranma shook off the sweatdrops that had accumulated on his head and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm here to get an...uh...a Talon Claw?"

Zhang He turned back to the other two with a triumphant grin and led Ranma over to the purple section of the room. He quickly thumped the floor three times, and the wall before him turned an equal number of times. Suddenly, before Ranma lay a whole fleet of claws. He shook unsteadily as he combed through the selection. He picked up a set of cruel claws, but discarded them. Over the course of half an hour, Ranma just couldn't find a set of claws that would suit him. As he reached the last set of claws, he turned to Zhang He.

"Sorry, but none of these seem ta fit me. Ya got anymore?"

Zhang He smiled knowingly, then turned to the other two Chinese Gods.

"Well, my friends. It seems that I won our bet. My weapon shall be the first to return to the mortal realm!"

As Ranma wondered what he meant, he turned and saw Zhang He bring out a locked box. With a quick turning of a key that hung from the bottom of one of his daggers, Zhang He looked to Ranma.

"Many ages ago, nearly eighteen hundred years, there were three kingdoms in China. Thses three kingdoms, each powerful in their own right, were merely fragments of the former glorious Han Dynasty. Each of these dynasties had powerful warriors, but none of these warriors could lead the armies to battle without some form of blessing from the gods. We three, each the most skilled beyond our commanders, were each gifted a weapon from the gods, the weapons we named."  
Zhang He slowly pushed the box around so that he could open it quickly.

"Ranma, my friend, what I am about to give you was a personal gift to me from a good friend of mine. His name was Cao Cao, and he made me what I am today. These claws served me well in my life, and I hope they shall do the same for you in the deity realm. I have a new set of weapons, my daggers, but I hope you use my Peacock Talons well."

With that, Zhang He lifted the lid of the box and reverently handed Ranma a pair of intricate claws. As Ranma held them, he took one and held ranma's arm out. With great care, Zhang He placed the gloved underside on Ranma's hand, a perfect fit. Tying off the thongs, he turned and did the same for the other claw. Within moments, Ranma had both of the claws' intricately decorated handguards situated perfectly on his wrists, the ovular jewel in the center of the feathered guard settled exactly over the back of each hand. All in all, tp Ranma, it was perfect. He gave them a few experimental slashes, and found himself doing backflips and intricate dash-and-slashes. As Ranma did a trange two-slash maneuver in a straight line horizontally in front of him. As he finished, he saw glowing purple lines of energy forming where the five claws of each talon passed through the air. Ranma couldn't place it, but those lines of energy felt DEADLY. He reached out to touch one even as it faded away, but Zhang He caught his hand.

"No, young lord. The talons have taught you to wield them effectively, and you unleashed their Vorpal energies. Those lines of energy are lethal. If your will is not strong enough, they can kill you instantly. If your will overpowers them, you still will not walk away unscathed. Go, young master, and use those claws well. Their history will speak for them, if you care to listen."

"I thank you with all of my heart, Master Zhang He. May you find adventure wherever you wish it."

"The same to you, Ranma. I feel that Asgard is very lucky to have found you."

With two long, sweeping bows, Ranma and Zhang He parted ways as Urd led Ranma back to the front of the armory. Ranma didn't dare trying to remove the claws, and Urd was almost having giggling fits until Hilda reentered the room.

"Havin' problems, eh, young one? Jest will the claws into subspace."

Ranma stared openmouth at the women, but picked up on what she'd said easily enough. Within seconds, the claws had vanished from his hands. When he willed them back, they were once again tied perfectly on. Urd grinned as she grabbed Ranma and pushed him to the doorway.

"Hey, Ranma, hold up. Let's let YOU get us to the Egyptian pantheon."

"Huh?" Of course, becoming a god had had little impact on the intelligence of Ranma's answers.

"Your medium's doorways and windows, so just focus on getting us to Ptah's throne room. Here, I'll put the image in your head, then you lead us there."

Placing a hand on Ranma's brow, he was soon treated to an image of the throne room of the Egyptian pantheon. Focusing on that image, he walked through the doorway with Urd's hand on his shoulder. When he opened his eyes...in front of him stood a hybrid cat woman.

"C-c-c-c-c-c-CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And within mere moments, there was a rather large Ranma-shaped dent in the back wall of said throne room. Bast's eyes took on a hurt look even as she changed into a tall, lovely black-haired woman with a curious ankh-shaped mark in the center of her head. She was extremely disturbed. Sure, she'd read the latter half of Ranma's file, the last five or so years, and she and Sekhmet had already fallen for his honorable nature and unwillingness to harm girls, as well as his indomitable will and strength to carry on despite the curse and constant harships living in Nerina had caused him. But to see her new son rubbernecking like crazy, searching for the cat, was just plain hurtful. She turned to Urd, who in reply handed her the first half of Ranma's mortal file and another, faded manual, on the cover of which could be read "The Training Manual of Unbeatable Techniques Most Likely To Either Kill or Drive the Trainee Insane". Bast looked at the manual nervously before reading up on Ranma's file. When she got to age six and read up on the Neko-ken, Urd and Ranma had to retreat to about thirty feet away, her battle aura was so intense.

"THAT'S IT! SOMEBODY DIES!!!!!!!! NOBODY HURTS MY FAMILY AND GETS AWAY WITH IT, YOU HEAR ME, SAOTOME?!?!?! NOBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ranma was shivering from the cold, yeah! He was shivering from the cold, even though it was broad daylight in the Egyptian desert. His shivering had nothing to do with the angry goddess of pleasure before him. Before he could react, though, he felt a pair of slender arms still warm from the battle aura wrap around him in a motherly hug. Ranma, confused as ever, looked up and found Bast holding him gently, though that steely look in her eyes that she was directing to the east was rather disturbing. Another figure, bearing the same ankh sybol as Bast, walked in and saw Ranma in Bast's arms. After picking up the file and manual, and yet another display of goddessly power, Ranma found himself enveloped in a three-person hug. Just as he was getting REALLY comfortable in the arms of his two mothers, they held him at arm's length.

"Son, we've got to cure you of this fear and teach you the True Neko-ken."

"H-how? Mom? Huh?"

Both goddesses shared a grin, like the cat that ate the canary.

"You've got to face...your fear."

Ranma gulped.

--------------------------End Prologue

A/N:(1)I don't know the layout of Asgard, so I'm winging it. Leave me alone.

If anybody asks, I made Ranma such a god to be evil. I mean, come on. Martial arts, yeah, we all know he's a genius, so that was obvious. Rain? What better to annoy the piss out of Ryouga, Mousse, and Shampoo? Cats? Oh, THAT'S just to be evil against Ranma. Reason I made his energy source alcohol is because Soun and Genma are always drinking. Easy access to a quick power boost. Doorways and windows for a medium? I read it in another fanfic that Ranma's medium was doorways, and it was the best I can think of. Tell me what you think!


	2. Severing Old Ties

--------------Dreamscape-------------

It was cold and dark in the pit. The young boy, about six years of age, shivered even as the claws tore into his body, trying to get at the fish products tied to his body. Nothing could help the boy. Calling for his father didn't help. Calling for his mother hadn't helped for the six or so months he'd had to put up with his father's....methods. Crying was the next best way, but if he cried, he wouldn't be manly. If he wasn't manly, he was sure his father would hurt him again. So the boy settled for crying out in pain and shivering, waiting for the cats to finish their food and leave him alone. Sometimes, he just wished Kami-sama would get enough of let him die. Suddenly, as he felt the tearing claws moving up from his chest, he saw a single claw arcing towards his face, right at his eye....

----------Egyptian Pantheon-----------

A sheen of sweat covered Ranma's brow as he shot up in his futon, panting and gasping for breath. Shivering, Ranma reached a hand up to his face, tracing the scar that that particular cat had left. If Ranma closed his eye, you could see the scar continuing down in an unbroken line. It was sheer luck that Ranma had not lost his eye to that cat. He sighed, getting up and doing his stretches. He looked out the window, smiling gently. It had been forever since he'd had that dream, he knew, and it no longer scared him as much as it used to. Where once it caused him to actually go cat in his sleep, now, it merely woke him up from his already-disturbed sleep. Ranma shook his head and walked out to the bathroom, stripping off his clothing, a tank top and boxers, and stepped into the bathroom. Sleep fogging his brain, he failed to notice the difference of the room from the Tendo furo. It wasn't until he slipped and fell into the large, open-air bath that he found himself in a large, lavishly decorated bathroom. The Egyptian decor instantly shocked Ranma's mind back to the present even as he absently moved his hand over to the side of the bath, grasping a bottle of 180-proof whiskey and bringing it to his mouth. With a quick slug, Ranma was feeling completely reenergized as he scrubbed his body. The last two Asgard weeks (which, to him, were even longer as he'd been putting up with virtual training with his new parents in something called the "Hyperbaulic Time Chamber" on some "Kami's Lookout". As such, Ranma had a full two years with his new family.) had been a brutal, unforgiving Hell on Ranma's poor body. Or so he would have liked to claim. Though he would still become extremely nervous in the presence of any member of the feline culture, the Neko-ken would no longer come to the fore and he would no longer run in terror. As he was musing over all of this, he sighed and shook the water out of his hair. It was very nice hair, he absently thought, and it was true. The long, black mane was tied in a red-highlighted ponytail whose length had grown to hang to about his mid-back. The twin tails that Kasumi had hung at his temples were a solid silver, which mixed surprisingly well for his red-and-black mane. As Ranma climbed out, he grinned when he saw two male figures in his peripheral vision droop in disappointment that Ranma was so easy to sneak up on. With a quick focus of his relatively new inner energies, Ranma dropped a globe of freezing water onto his brothers, Raiden and Fujin. Turning around, he recognized the grins on their faces as predatory and ran like hell.

"Oh, CRAAAAAAAAAAAA-uh..CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDD!"

Let it never be said that Ranma swore in the presence of divinity. But that's beside the point.

Five goddesses sat down to enjoy a nice, warm breakfast. Fifty percent of which wound its way off of the table as a terrifyingly powerful gust of wind (which was NOT of Fujin's making) blew past. As the gust receded, the sound of a naked sound-barrier-breaking God of Martial Arts, Rain, and Cats echoed in the goddesses ears.

"HiBell-chan,HiSkuld-chan,HiUrd-chan,HiBast-okaasan,Hi-Sekhmet-okaasan,sorry'boutbreakfastgottagobye!!!!!!!!"

Belldandy was in the process of picking up the food when a pair of soaking wet half-demon gods ran into the kitchen. Without prompting, five goddesses pointed in a direction in which Ranma HADN'T run, and the gods quickly dashed off, not noting that each goddess had pointed in a different direction. Skuld sighed sadly.

"Stupid storm gods. Why can't they leave Ranma-chan alone?"

Urd raised an eyebrow at the "chan", but said nothing of it. She knew Skuld had developed a crush on Ranma the instant she saw him. As Skuld and Urd ruminated about their wayward brother and HIS wayward brothers, two very feline goddesses grinned toothily at the thought of what today would bring. They just LOVED mischief. Especially when they made it.

----------Nifleheim----------

Mara was not in a good mood. She hadn't been in a good mood since she'd failed her last assignment. Belldandy and that mortal had gone and gotten married, and were doing well for themselves. Mara sighed as she looked over the file. Keiichi was right now in Hokkaido sealing a deal with a motor company or something, and Belldandy was with Urd, Skuld, Bast, Sekhmet, Raiden, and Fujin in the Egyptian pantheon. She scowled as she thought about Urd, but pushed that thought away. No, now she was focusing on the task at hand. Lightening her mood with her new assignment. Apparently, there was a new god who was only just getting the grasp of his powers and for some reason, Hild was paying personal attention to him. It was Mara's job to keep tabs on him and on the district where he lived.

Oh, yes. It was going to be a "fun" day for her. Hardy, har, har.

Sighing in resignation, Mara grabbed her last bottle of whiskey and headed for the empty apartment she'd be using for a temporary home since Hild had told her to get out of Nifleheim until she completed her curret assignment. Damnit, life could be so unfair sometimes. Maybe she'd have time to grab some grub before she had to find the little bastard. After all, how much trouble could one untrained, unfocused god be?

---------------Nerima--------------

One untrained, unfocused god was being trouble. He was being very much trouble, in fact. Especially to the three women that were leading him to the door of the Tendo home.

"Aw, c'mon, Mom! Why do I hafta be here ta split with them?! Why can't I just vanish outta their lives and be done with it?"

A harsh glare from the two women he called mother quelled the divine martial artist significantly.

"Because, Ranma, as a new god, you must accept your responsibility fully. You cannot do that if you cannot face the responsibility of breaking PEACEFULLY with your old life, from which, I might add, you've been missing from for about a Midgard week."

Ranma and Urd both gave the two Egyptian goddesses skeptical looks at the "peacefully" part. As Sekhmet rang the doorbell, a loud stomping could be heard descending the stairs. Ranma's "Heeeeeeeere's 'Kane!"(1) was cut short as a fuming, red-faced girl in a gi threw open the door. Noticing the three "girls", the not-so-well oiled machine that was Akane Tendo's mind went to work. If one paid any attention to her inner workings, which, thankfully, none have, one would have seen something like this.

#Program: Scan.

Scanning....four life forms detected.

Life form one: Tall, beautiful, long hair. Bust size: huge. Threat level: large.

Life form two: Ditto. Bust size: Above average. Threat level: large.

Life form three: Slightly shorter, gorgeous, very long, platinum hair. Bust size: Don't know what's holdin' 'em back. Threat level: Annihilate now!

Life form four: Tallest, handsome, ponytailed. Status: droolin' gorgeous. Analysis: wayward fiance.

Suggested Action: Command Line four.

Analyzing....analyzing.....recommended action accepted.

Initiating program "Bash the Pervert Mode".

End Program.#

"RANMA NO HENTAI!!!!!!"

And lo and behold, for Kami-sama said let their be light! And there was light.

Actually, Sekhmet and Bast had given Ranma a nice, long lecture about standing up for himself. And so, as Mallet-sama began to fall(2), Akane did not expect Ranma to sidestep the blow, grasp the handle of the building implement, and twist it out of her grasp, then bring his elbow into Akane's gut. The blow, while not powerful enough to give Ryouga pause for thought, was enough to make the unpracticed Akane Tendo drop to her knees in shock and pain.

-----------------Nifleheim---------------

A great many shivering demons wondered which impossibility had made itself known on Midgard even as Hild-sama ordered a massive, no-holds barred snowball war.

-----------------Nerima-------------------

"Chill out, Akane. They ain't my girlfriends, just my family. I ain't got nobody for a girlfriend."

This being said, Ranma entered the kitchen, where a blubbering former martial artist and a blubbering panda could be seen drinking sake over a shogi board, a calculating middle Tendo was shuddering uncontrollably at the thought of the profits she'd lost in the last few days without Ranma under her thumb, and an irate Saotome matriarch and a worried eldest Tendo were fixing supper. All eyes fell onto Ranma and a variety of actions clicked into motion.

"RANMA, HOW DARE YOU TREAT YOUR FIANCE LIKE THIS!!!"

Soun's demon flared as he hissed his now snake-like tongue at his would-be future son-in-law.

"GROWF!!!"

The panda held up a large sign, flipping it so "speak" in a long, unbroken sentence how Ranma should apologize to his fiance and marry her today to make it up to her, and how he was ashamed to have such a dishonorable young man for a son.

"FINALLY!! Saotome, you owe me two-hundred and fifty-thousand yen for your little stunt!"

Nabiki was sauntering over to Ranma, her hand outstretched and her familiar, self-confident smirk securely back in place.

"Oh, my, Ranma, I was so worried about you!"

Kasumi stopped wringing her hands and rushed forward to give her "little brother" a hug. Amazingly, she was the only person in the house to notice Ranma's rather taller stature.

Ranma smirked. With a quick jab, he rendered Soun's illusion null as the crybaby slumped to the floor, unconscious. In one fluid motion, the jabbing hand flew forward and grabbed the panda's still-flipping sign and within a single instant, Genma Saotome had all he needed of his monthly required fiber. Still in the same motion, Ranma grabbed Nabiki around the neck, swept her legs from under her, and dropped her to the ground, her dignity somewhat mussed. Finally, Ranma spun from Nabiki and let Kasumi hug him, crying into his shoulder. Though he'd had significant training with his new parents, Ranma still had a soft spot for crying girls. Kami-sama knew HOW many times Urd had gotten him with that over the last few days...

"Aw, c'mon, Kasumi-neechan, don't cry. I'm fine."

The girl in question suddenly pulled back and smiled, leaving Ranma dumbfounded. What the hell had just happened? Ranma sighed as Kasumi dutifully returned to fixing breakfast, no longer shaking with worry. However, just as Ranma was opening his mouth to speak to the inhabitants of the household, he heard a sound that left his blood frozen in his veins.

"AIREN!! Hiba-chan say you gone, Shampoo say she too too wrong!"

The dreaded call of the Amazon, closely followed by an attempted Amazon Glomp. Now, it is through no fault of her own that Shampoo found herself embedded in the Tendo dining room table. Oh, no, Shampoo had not seen Ranma in a week, Midgard Time, and always before, Ranma had not attempted to dodge her glomp. This time, however, she had no such luck. Ranma had grown, albeit a little, but it was enough for him to realize what he wanted. So Shampoo missed as Ranma dodged.

(Leave me alone, Xian Pu. Your laws have no hold over me, and I have no love for you or your kind.) The sound of Ranma speaking perfect Mandarin shook Shampoo to the core. He couldn't have mastered the language in a week, he just couldn't have! He must have been under a spell. Turning around in her anger and confusion, she beheld three new figures, each of which, Shampoo noted with great ire and envy, beat even HER out in the chest department. Shampoo drew her bobori.

"Obstacles place spell on Ranma, make him not know what want! Obstacles, you I KILL!" Shampoo lunged forward, swinging her bonbori down for a killing strike...

Only to sputter and meow vehemently when Ranma stepped in front of Urd, whom Shampoo was attacking first, and splashed her with water from where nobody, save the four deities, knew. Angry, Shampoo leapt at Ranma's face, not thinking clearly, while the rest of the household save Kasumi ran for the hills. Or at least cowered behind a table. Akane, however, sauntered into the dining room, ready to prove superiority over Shampoo when Neko-Ranma leapt into her lap and kissed her like the sla...er...pervert he was.

Everyone blink-blinked when Ranma yawned and grabbed Shampoo around the scruff of the neck only to hand her to the short, wizened figure attempting to sneak up on him. "Mom, was THAT the last training exercise? Puttin' up with an enraged feline Amazon?"

Even Cologne blink-blinked at the "Mom" comment, but recovered quickly enough. "So, son-in-law, you have achieved mastery over the Neko-ken. Now, Shampoo's curse is no longer repelling to you, so you may come with us and consummate your marriage to her."

Ranma turned to Cologne slowly, and flashed a grin that everyone, including Kasumi and the three goddesses, did not like.

"Cologne, if you attempt to bring me back again, I will destroy your village. You will find that I am rather hard to hold in any one place."

To demonstrate, Ranma walked through the doorway leading to the home's entryway and promptly vanished, making everyone blink-blink. The instant he was completely through that doorway, he reappeared in the doorway leading from the dining room to the porch. Cologne finally saw the marks on Ranma's face, which he was no longer hiding, and gasped. And swore.

"Very well, so...Ranma. You leave me no choice. If you shall not marry Shampoo, you shall die."

Again, that evil grin. "Wait, Cologne. Wait for just a moment and try to reverse Shampoo's curse."

She did. She poured hot water, provided by Kasumi, over the purple-furred cat again and again to no avail. Shampoo was a cat for good.

"What have you done to her, Ranma?! How...oh, kami, no!"

This time, a more prominent grin. "Exactly."

The Tendo household blink-blinked as Ranma lifted the hold on Shampoo's curse, leaving the girl shaking and crying as she and her great-grandmother left as quickly as they could. Akane leapt forward.

"You pervert! I saw you looking!"

And found herself embedded into the floor, unconscious. At that moment, a knocking on the door rose through the house. Ranma smirked and strode in, allowing his mother entrance into the house. The instant she saw the three gorgeous women who seemingly flocked protectively around Ranma, she saw stars.

"WAI!! MY SON IS SO MANLY!!!"

Leaving Ranma's two goddess mothers blink-blinking while Urd rolled on the ground laughing. Until the implications hit her. Then she stood up in disgust.

"Hey! I ain't har up enough to screw my own brother!!!"

That made another audible blink-blink make itself known.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I ever had a daughter, so you're quite mistaken. Unless Genma got unscrupulous on the training trip..."

Said panda was shaking his head, unable to produce a new sign so long as his current one was embedded in his throat. Of course, everyone in the house, save Akane, was wondering why she'd allow her son to have sex with mulitple women while allowing her husband only herself. That was blown away when Ranma stood and confronted his mother.

"Nodoka Saotome, right now I am giving you a choice. I am honoring none of the promises made by Genma Saotome. To do so would be to dishonor numerous families and your own. Do you accept this, or will you demand the life of your own child?"

Ranma turned to Bast who nodded approvingly. Ranma smiled, he'd been rehearsing that speech for three days straight. Nodoka, however, was shocked beyond words.

"Wh-what?! Ranma, you must honor the Tendo-Saotome agreement! If you cannot, you must commit seppuku. It is not manly to break an honorable promise."

Ranma snorted before grabbing the Saotome honor blade. He looked to the skies and said in a loud, resonating voice.

"In the name of Kami-sama, if this family's honor is worth keeping, I shall keep the agreement. If the family's honor is shattered beyond redemption, may this blade be broken and my name be forsaken!"

Before the eyes of everyone, a bolt of lightning struck from the clear sky and cleaved the katana in two. Ranma looked to his birth mother sadly and shook his head.

"Your choice has been made. By Kami-sama's will, I am no longer Saotome."

As Ranma began to leave, Kasumi tugged on his sleeve. Ranma looked up and grinned.

"Say, Kas-chan, wanna come with us? You could pursue your own dreams."

Kasumi merely smiled, nodded, and walked to the doorway with a suitcase in hand. Ranma blinked at that. Where'd the case come from? Ranma shrugged as his godly family stood and accompanied him to the door. Ranma shook his head once more as they made their way to the streets of Nerima, plus one more. Bast looked at her son and Urd.

"Ranma, son, why don't you head to that apartment we arranged for you while we take Kasumi to meet your sisters?"

Ranma looked up to his mother and smiled, giving her a hug. After he released her, he quickly looked around nervously. He was still skittish about showing affection in public. "Sure, mom. Where is my apartment, anyway?"

Bast handed Ranma an address nearby and took Kasumi's arm. "Don't worry, Ranma, we'll tell her the whole story when Belldandy and Skuld get back. you go get settled in and come back later for dinner."

Ranma smiled and nodded, bounding to the rooftops in one leap, leaving the goddesses staring in awe. Sure, they could fly, but they couldn't believe a former mortal could do that without any kind of magical enhancement. This said, the three goddesses shook their heads in wonder simultaneously, netting a giggle from Kasumi. All four girls smiled.

---------------Back to Ranma-------------

Ranma smiled broadly. He was free. He was FREE!! It felt so good to finally be free, Ranma did a few flips in midair out of sheer joy. As he sped through the district, he couldn't help but enjoy the feel of wind brushing thorugh his hair. With a final jump, Ranma landed a two-pointer on the sidewalk in front of the landlord's office, striding into it and ignoring the hungry look in the secretary's eyes. As he entered, Ranma subconsciously cast a spell to hide his marks from other deities. It wouldn't do for his life to get hectic again all too soon.

Within minutes, Ranma had all the nessecary paperwork filled out and the key to his apartment in hand. Striding up the stairs, Ranma met his apartment door at the very highest floor, where nobody else lived. It was Nerima, after all, and you really didn't want to live on the top floor of a building in a district where a roving martial artist was capable of destroying a city block with one finger. Ranma shrugged and entered his apartment.

It was perfect. A view of all of Tokyo took up a whole glass wall, and the rest of the apartment was just as breathtaking. Furnished comfortably, Ranma strode forward to take in the plants basking in the sunlight. Apparently someone was here to take care of them. Ranma shook his head and turned around at the sound of the door opening, coming face to face with a VERY sexy blonde in leather wearing a surprised look and carrying a bottle of whiskey. Ranma reacted in the only two ways he knew possible. One physical and very visible in his tight jeans, the other verbal.

"Who the hell are you?!?"

------------------Now to Mara-----------------

Mara was still grumbling slightly at the injustice of it all as she entered her apartment. Sure, she wasn't paying for it, but she doubted anybody cared. She did, after all, take care of those plants. Mara smiled a little. It wasn't like she was all bad. She had a soft spot for plants. She thought of the view of Tokyo through her large, bulletproof glass wall and hurried to open the door.

Her view was filled with hunk, hunk, and more HUNK. The young man before her wore his hair in a long, attractive raven-and-garnet ponytail, a pair of silver tails hanging at his temples. He wore a tight black muscle shirt and a pair of tight blue jeans tucked into his combat boots, showing off his rather chiseled physique. That wasn't the point, however. She didn't know him, he didn't belong here. So she reacted in a way aside from drooling, though she did that, too.

"Who the hell are you?!?"

-------------------End Chapter One-----------------

(1) Johnny Carson was on while I wrote this a while back. I had to put that in.

(2)I was listening to Queen's "Hammer to Fall", leave me alone....

Please send me reviews and comments! And if anybody could draw an anime pic of Ranma's new appearance, it would be greatly appreciated! Full credit will be given in my signature at !!


	3. And Forging New Ones

Holy crap, I ain't even gonna bother tallying the results. Jeez, I didn't know you people liked this story THAT much....-head spins- This chapter's going to be a good deal shorter than the others, mainly because I don't want to go too fast. And that's what I've been doing.

That's a lotta reviews...and from a lotta people I respect as writers, too. -bows to you- I thank you, everyone. I'd like to apologize to the admins and readers for my...author's note.

Oh, and people...I KNOW SOME PEOPLE ARE OOC!!!! COME ON, IF EVERYONE STAYED COMPLETELY IN CHARACTER, YOU'D BE READING ABOUT RANMA DYING FROM AKANE'S FOOD POISONING RIGHT NOW!!

Evil yelling rant over. Now, to your chapterly dose of evil and insanity.

--------------Dreamscape-------------

The tall man walked slowly, purposefully down the hall. Doors lined the walls, and a gentle, almost radiant light pulsed from where he knew not. The man peeked in one door, curious. Within, he saw a younger man bouncing around the yard, tossing a fat, balding martial artist around like a sack of rice, an almost mercurial expression on his face. The man shook his head and closed that door, continuing on down the hall. Sounds of fighting came through another door, and the man opened it, curiousity again getting the better of him. Before him stood the same young man in a white tuxedo, beside him a young woman in a wedding dress. The man smiled, he recognized his daughter. Then, before his eyes, the wedding turned sour. A group of people, a young man with katana, a girl in a black wedding dress, a girl with violet hair, -shudder- the...the...the master, and a girl with a giant spatula slowly, but surely, began to destroy the wedding. After they were finished, the young woman in the white wedding dress pounded the young man with the tuxedo into the ground, blaming him for ruining HER wedding. The man watching this gasped as he saw the conflict from a new perspective, saw the look of hate and disregard on his daughter's face. He looked down at the boy, whom he now recognized as Ranma, and gasped again. He knew, from his memories, that Ranma had awakened hours later, and now Soun saw why. Ranma had a large, bloody gash in his head and blood was leaking slowly from his mouth. Worse injuries than he'd had when fighting for Akane.

Soun shuddered and continued down the hall. This time, yet another door opened itself. And before Soun was a terrible scene. A six-year-old boy, wrapped in sausages and anchovies, lay huddled on the ground, hundreds of cats biting, clawing, and slashing at the food. Soun stared in horror as the boy was lifted, unconscious, from the pit by his best friend and beaten awake before being dropped right back in, Genma insulting his child again and again. Soun's anger began to boil.

Another door, showing Jusenkyo. Another one, showing the Amazon village. And a last one, showing Akane beating Ranma mercilessly behind closed doors after she'd gained his trust by simply asking to be Ranma's friend. Soun's anger began to know no bounds. How could anyone harm that child so? His very family, his own flesh and blood, had beaten him and betrayed him. His own DAUGHTER had betrayed the boy. Soun began to tremble violently as....

----------------Tendo Household---------------

....he was shaken awake by Nodoka Saotome. Soun almost started before his ire took over and he pushed the woman back. It was time for Soun to take hold of his family once more, for Kimiko's sake. Soun first stared at Genma, a cold rage replacing the old love he'd once had for his friend. Genma, foo that he was, didn't notice.

"So, Shendo, ee 'ust 'o asher by 'ish-on'able boy?"

Genma was having trouble talking through the splinters in his mouth. Good, thought Soun. Slowly, Soun stood and walked over to Genma, slowly, oh so slowly did he walk.He grasped the poor, fat, balding excuse for a man by the shoulders and launched him into the wall. Genma stared. As soon as his eyes uncrossed from the pain the pipe brought his groin.

"No. Out of my house. All the beatings your son took, all the torture. All the betrayals he withstood. His own MOTHER betrayed him. Why don't you tell her about the neko-ken, Genma!? Why don't you tell her that all of the multiple engagements were made by you in order to fill you stomach?"

Genma stood, quivering. This was a side of his old buddy he'd never seen before.

"B..but-"

Soun cut him off with a very withering glare.

"No, Saotome-SAN, I do not believe I want a traitorous child abuser in my home. You and your wife out. Only Ranma shall be welcome in this house."

Genma didn't even try to resist. He and his wife were too shocked as they exited the Tendo home. As they left, Soun shot a glare at Akane and Nabiki.

"Well, girls, it seems it's time we had a little talk....about how your mother would feel about you."

Akane and Nabiki gulped.

-------------Meanwhile....------------

"I asked you first!"

"No way in hell! I asked you first!"

"ARGH! You know what, lady, I'm just gonna go with it. I live here!"

Ranma was getting frustrated. He needed some time to work things out, and time was just what he didn't have.

"What do you mean you live here?! I live here!"

Ranma growled, an incredibly feline sound.

"Look, lady, I'm payin' rent, I live here!"

At this, Mara visibly wilted. A long, penetrating sigh escaped her lips.

"Damnit. Ya should have said so earlier. Now I gotta go find another place to stay."

Aw, crap. Not a sad girl, Ranma hates sad girls....

"Erm..well...uh....you don't....HAVE..ta leave, I guess. Ya could..uh...stay here, I guess."

Mara visibly brightened even as Ranma shook his head. He'd been had. Again. Her triumphant grin dimmed somewhat, however.

Something was wrong. Ranma lurched to his knees, a coughing fit wracking his body. Trembling, Ranma barely stood, limping his way to the door in the hall marked "bathroom" and knelt down in front of the toilet, heaving rapidly. Mara was about to rush out to find help before she saw his back arch in pain, his shirt rippling like crazy. And she gasped when an angel burst from Ranma's body. Without even tearing the material.

Mara was a demoness. She had seen a great many things. She'd seen Barbara Streisand confuse the hell out of every plastic surgeon to ever attempt a nose job. She'd seen demons playing snowball in Nifleheim. She'd even seen Arnold Schwarzenegger give birth. But she'd never seen an angel burst forth from a man's back.

Since it was an angel, and since it had come from Ranma, though, Mara came to the inevitable conclusion. Ranma was the junior god she'd been assigned to watch. And she was living with him. And he was a drop-dead gorgeous hunk. And she'd accidentally allowed her demon markings to flare in anticipation in front of the angel. Who noticed and knew what she was.

Ranma immediately tried to stand ramrod straight as a voice invaded his head. He stared around, cathcing sight of a short, redheaded and blue-eyed girl hovering about two feet over the bathroom tile. Ranma's eyes widened in fear, the last time he'd seen his cursed form, "she" had been trying to kill him. Now, however, Ranma noted differences in the creature's appearance.

This girl, Ranma saw, was quite a good deal smaller, much like a Chibi-Ranko he'd once seen Kasumi draw of him. She had a small pair of black feathered wings, though each of the feathers had a brilliant crimson tip, and she wore clothes similar to Ranma's old tangs. Her hair also was done up in a cute little pigtail, and her bust size was almost non-existant. She tilted her head, smiled, and Ranma answered.

"You're my angel?"

The angel tilited her head to the other side and grinned.

"So...uh....yer name's Hotaru? Nice name...but uh.....why do you look like my cursed side?"

What the hell? Firefly? Cursed side? Mara stared as the angel shrugged. This was getting to be territory she wouldn't be able to handle. In the brief instant that Mara closed her eyes to clear her head, Ranma had turned and saw the markings on Mara's head. And charged up his magic.

"DEMON!!"

The angel coughed into her hand as if to say "I told you so...". Ranma frowned and dropped the magic charge.

"Hey, c'mon! I thought she was kinda cute. She kinda reminds me of Urd like.....that....oh, crap! I forgot about dinner! Belldandy's gonna kill me!

Mara gasped audibly as Ranma ran towards her suddenly, at full tilt, and disappeared right when he hit the doorway. She was just puzzling things out when Ranma's head reappeared right in front of her.

"Oh, yeah, if ya don't mind, could ya not go anywhere? My offer still stands, even if ya are a demon. Ya can never have too many friends."

With that, Ranma's head vanished. Leaving a thoroughly confused Mara behind. The demoness simply looked at her bottle of whiskey, took a long pull, rested it against her hip, stared at the door, looked at her whiskey bottle, and took another long pull.

"I'm gonna need another few bottles for this....like maybe a hundred."

She took another pull. And another. And another.....

-----------------The Temple------------

Ranma ran right into the dining room just as dinner was starting, his angel trailing behind him. Kasumi, of course, couldn't hold back a squeal of delight at the kawaii angel and grabbed her from the air, fussing over her hair and asking if she was getting enough to eat. Keiichi, Megumi, Urd, Raiden, Fujin, Sekhmet, Bast, and Skuld all stared. Ranma just grinned from ear-to-ear. Hotaru liked getting fussed over, and the feeling carried over to Ranma. Belldandy, of course, had her own cute creature to fuss over, a recent addition to the temple.

Ranma scanned the room, sensing something wrong. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something about the air felt familiar, felt...out of place at the moment. Ranma shrugged and sat down to eat between Skuld and Belldandy when he caught sight of the cause of his discomfort.

There, in Belldandy's lap, sat the singular thing that could cause Ranma trouble at this point. It's black hide, its beady green eyes, its horribly long fangs. Weighing it at approximately five pounds sat Ryouga Hibiki, who was currently squealing up a storm.

"Bwee! Bwee bwee bee bweeeee!!!"

Of course, one thing Ryouga did not know was that he was in a room full of gods and goddesses. And if he did, he did not know that they would be able to understand every language spoken or written. No, he did not know that. So, he gave out his identity to everyone present.

Including a very, very vengeful Urd. She was very protective of her younger brother. Though it really was a shame he was her brother. I mean, come ON, look at those muscles, and those abs, and the way that tight t-shirt just MOLDS to his skin, and...

Urd shook her head, trying (rather unsuccessfully) to get the ecchi out of her head. She focused on the little pig who had just called out "RANMA SAOTOME! BECAUSE OF YOU, I HAVE SEEN HELL! I, RYOUGA HBIKI, SHALL DESTROY YOU FOR THE DEMON YOU ARE!!!!". Don't ask how he said that with only five "bwees", even I don't know. Of course, Urd had to "accidentally" spill her warm, very, very warm sake on the offending piglet.

Bast and Sekhmet were met with the sight of a nude young man they come to hate very, very much in their lifetimes. You see, you don't just make a vendetta vow without good reason, because a vendetta vow requires the blessing of the Goddess of War to be anywhere NEAR successful. And Ryouga had made a very, very hefty amount of those. Without good reason. And what made Sekhmet angry made Bast angry. Sekhmet just wasn't as good in bed when she was focused on something else!

But Ryouga did not know this as he dressed quickly in clothes he pulled from where nobody wanted to know. All he knew was that his mortal enemy was in front of him, calmly sitting down to eat with the lovely goddesses Belldandy, Urd, and even the runty, insane one named Skuld.

Ryouga didn't know he was speaking aloud and found himself debugged rather quickly. There were a lot of things he didn't know. But he did know that when he woke up, vengeance would finally be his, oh, yes! Vengeance would be his. Now...if only....ah, yes, there we are. Blessed unconsciousness.

Ranma shrugged and began to eat, ignoring the glare Kasumi was shooting the hole in the floor. Everyone else soon followed suit. After all, if nothing chaotic happened, they'd start to get worried. VERY worried. Ranma looked up.

"Hey...wait...that wasn't as...chaotic....as usual..."

Urd looked up and nodded, knowing what Ranma was getting at. A hole in the floor was nothing, buildings were usually destroyed.

Everyone in the room, save Kasumi, Keiichi, and Megumi could almost SWEAR to hearing the Ultimate Force snicker....

-----------Nifleheim----------

Mara was sweating bullets before Hild-sama's desk. The platinum haired woman had har hands resting on her neck behind her head, and she was staring Mara down...down...down....

With her eyes closed. Mara sweatdropped. Hild-sama was asleep. Mara coughed slightly, waking the woman up. A disapproving glare made her lock up as the demoness queen stretched and popped her neck.

"Sorry about that, Mara-chan, but its been so LONG since we had a good snowball war down here. Anyway, what's up? And why are you back so soon?"

And so, Mara spun her tale about the new god living with her, describing in detail his rather muscular frame, the way those tight jeans just molded to his tight...

Hild glared. Mara was living with her assignment. Hild cross-referenced all the new gods and their affiliations and cocked an eyebrow. God of Martial Arts, Rain, and Cats. A Talon Claw for a weapon, she hadn't seen that since the days of the Three Kingdoms. And...he was Urd's brother. How did Urd get a brother without Hild giving birth to him?

HIld grinned. She's need to look into this. Personally.

It wouldn't hurt to get a good look at this new god either. Not if Mara's description was any indication.


	4. A Day in the Life

Sorry I've been absent for a while. I think this fic might meet epilogue in a little while, not sure. Anyway, now is that fun time where I explain that school is a bitch, and writer's block a helluva pain, and breaking up with one's girlfriend is a bitch under all circumstances. Also, we reiterate the disclaimer that I own absolutely jack shit, with the exception of the computer this fic was ever-so-neatly typed upon. No, wait...that's my Dad's.....damn.

Yep, I own nothing. Not even cash. So don't sue me. Please?

----------------The Temple-------------

Ranma slowly, carefully picked his way through his meal, his attention focused completely on other things.

Well....almost completely. Ranma being Ranma, he wasn't about to let food get away, even if he DIDN'T need it. A quick grab later produced his life-saving, energy-producing bottle of sweet, fermented honey mead. Being a God was awesome, and he had rather acquired a taste for the medieval spirit. The sound of no other chopsticks clacking in porcelain bowls caught at Ranma's attention and he looked up to see everyone, save Keiichi, staring at him. Keiichi was staring at the look Belldandy had on her face. Ranma nearly laughed out loud when he saw her left eye twitching. Just as Ranma was about to open him mouth to ask, another voice interrupted. While a VERY masculine pair of hands checked his pulse and temperature.

"Alright, Ranma, what did the old ghoul feed you this time, huh?"

Ranma looked up to see the disbelief in his old friend/rival's face, and almost cried when he saw the concern there. So Ryouga DID care about him. Ranma shook his head, mainly out of need to clear it (cobwebs could be SO damned annoying sometimes...), but Ryouga took it as a denial that Cologne had fed him anything.

"Nuthin', man. I'm ok. Cologne and I had a fallin' out earlier, don't think I'll be marryin' Shampoo too soon."

Ryouga merely nodded, then hooked his hands behind his head.

"So....you gonna tell me what's up with tha fashion statement, or what? And what's with the chick that looks like you following you? She ain't gonna try to kill you again, huh?"

At this, both Ranma and his angel glared...before their stomachs reminded them they needed feeding.

Which would be about three hours before their heads reminded them they were a God and Angel and only needed to binge to be mighty.

But never mind that, Ranma and his angel took off eating at a rapid pace. So wrapped up in his food were they that neither noticed the relief that passed into the faces of watchers. Ryouga's eye began twitching as the "runty, insane" young one with black hair deactivated the buzzing, vibrating mass of Positron Laser aimed at Ranma.

Ryouga was very glad he planned only to fight Ranma and get back to Ukyou. Wait, did Ranma know about that?

"Hey, uh...Ranma.....about....um...about your fiance problem..."

He stopped as Ranma quickly stopped eating, not to listen, but because his plate was empty. Hotaru, his angel, was quickly restored to Kasumi's lap, where the tall girl once again began her affectionate attentions. Ranma looked up, a content grin on his face.

"Nah, Ryouga...I ain't got a fiance mess. Only things I haven't worked out are....K-O-D-A-C-H-I, and Ukyou."

"Err....Why'd ya spell her name like that?"

"'The Master' syndrome. Saying the name summons the demon."

Ryouga nodded. Yes, he knew exactly how that went. It seemed every time he cursed Ranma's name, he ended up with the formerly-pigtailed wonder balancing on his parasol. Ryouga shook his head. For some reason, while he was in this room, something within his body was freakishly silent. That being Ryouga's overdeveloped anger and vengeance gland. Or rather, the demon that ran it. Demons don't like to bask in godly presences too long. And NOTHING bearing ill-will can stand up to the combined might of a Kasumi-Belldandy peace front. Now, if only that Sasami girl from Okayama were there, world peace would be within reach...

Ryouga shrugged and continued, wondering where the hell the narrator came up with this shit.

"Anyway, you don't have to "deal with" Ukyou. Ya know, lately, since the failed wedding thing, she hasn't really chased you much. It's because....we...well.....erm..."

At this point, Ranma got VERY interested. He stepped right up to Ryouga and asked.

"Well, Ranma.....Ukyou's....um....she's about eight months along."

Ranma didn't get it.

And a great many faces met the floor. However, this was not to last. Ryouga realized something just a TAD too late.

"Hey, waitaminit....since when do you know what a fallin' out is, Ranma?"

Which meant the floor of the Morisato Temple would be filling its insurance quota for facefault damage.

-------------------Several Hours Later, at the Ucchan's-------------------

Ranma and Ryouga entered the restaurant, talking as if they were old friends, which, in a roundabout way, they were. Of course, you already knew this. Anyway, Ranma entered the restaurant, talking with Ryouga about techniques they'd learned, why Ranma knew goddesses (not that pig-boy was surprised. It fit fine in Nerima.), and how Ranma himself had become a god. Of course, the demon that once resided within Ryouga's skull decided to share residence with another Neriman demon, but that comes later.

Ranma walked up to the counter and ordered only one of his usuals. Ukyou, turning around and finding both her fiancees, grinned broadly.

"Why, hey there, shuga! How's things?"

Ranma bowed to the soon-to-be-mother and grinned himself.

"Nothin' much, Ucchan. Just became a kami a coupla weeks ago, got a buncha sisters, two new moms, and a coupla brothers. Oh, yeah, and I got some new senseis that're gonna be droppin' by soon."

To Ukyou's credit (or Nerima's discredit), the okonomiyaki chef took it all in stride. Of course she would. This was Ranma.

The trio shared small talk well into the surprisingly Akane-free afternoon, and a newcomer to Nerima (or even the Ucchan's) would assume the three had been best friends for life. Of course, such displays of warmth and family were not to last long in the chaos that was Nerima.

Ya remember that demon I told ya about? You know, Ryouga's rage demon? Guess who he's rooming with now....

Yep, you guessed it. He decided to reside Mousse's misperception, jump-to-conclusions, and rape-a-mailbox-'cuz-yer-blind (Damn, did Tsubasa hate that one...) demons. Which meant the front window of the Ucchan's suffered heavy glass casualties due to a bowling pin assault from the near-blind martial artist.

"RANMA SAOTOME!! FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO MY DARLING SHAMPOO, YOU SHALL PERISH!!!!"

Now, Nerima being Nerima, a certain insane kendoist and a certain insane kendoist's certainly insane sister happened to be walking by (they weren't holding hands or doing nasty, incestual hentai things in the park that would result in more like them, honest!), as well as a certain violent, twitchy, mallet-happy wanna-be who thought she was a martial artist. I'll leave you to imagine why she was walking out of the dog pound with her panties tucked into her jacket pocket.

Anyway, Ranma, Ryouga, and Akane formed a combined front against the assault of the not-quite-all-there front, yet as more and more people joined in the battle (Why the hell was KONATSU on KODACHI'S side?!), the battle would seem to be lost. Happosai's Happodaikirin were making mincemeat of the three valiant martial artists. Even Ukyou's obvious condition garnered no remorse (especially from Akane, who was pissed she got that way by either Ranma or Ryouga. They were HERS, damnit!). Tsubasa was fighting Ryouga, Shampoo and Akane had become embattled with Ukyou, and the rest of Ranma's challengers, save Herb and Saffron, were battling the Martial Arts Kami.

Of course, Ranma couldn't take this, no sirree, not at all. So while the dust cloud that was ever-present in cartoon brawls was hiding the situation, Ranma used the oldest trick in the cartoon book and peeled out.

Which, this being Nerima, everyone noticed. And peeled out after him, minus Ukyou and Ryouga. Battling always turned them on, and that had been a helluva fight...CLANG!!!!

"Damnit, ya freakin' hentai, this is about ME!!! IF YA DON'T WRITE HOW I ESCPAE THESE NUTS, I'LL KILL YA!!!

Err.....right. A chase through the streets of Nerima ensued, with the Khaotic Kloud of Kock-eyed Killjoys gaining on the Errant Errand-boy of Ebony hair steadily. It all seemed hopeless to the poor young man.

Until, lo and behold, a familiar figure dressed in purple pants with a violet shin guard held open a door. Ranma rushed in, forgetting to phase thorugh the door, and searched his immediate vicinity.

Books. Books, books, books, and more books. Ranma was in a library. Nobody from Nerima would look for HIM in a library. Ranma sent a silent prayer of thanks to Zhang He, who was outside pointing the Nerima gang in a random direction. A smirk on his face, Zhang He vanished when they were gone.

------------The Armory of You-Know-Where--------------

"You enjoy playing matchmaker, don't you?"

"I, Zhou Yu, merely appreciate the beauty of a proper relationship. Besides, I have to look out for my avatar..."

"Whatever. Shut up, you two, I'm tying to keep an eye on the purple-headed one...."

Both Zhou Yu and Zhang He stared as Zhao Yun entered the verge of giving himself whiplash staring at the young amazon's chest in the Asgard Television Network to Nerima.

-------------The Library-----------

Ranma delved deeper into his temporary sanctuary, slowly becomeing more and more absorbed in the books as he reached the inner sanctum. As he explored the tomes of knowledge about him, a small voice behind him caught his attention.

Ranma turned around, and his breath caught. Before him stood an angel, it had to be! Nevermind the angel about ready to bonk him upside the head, this...this was pure heaven!

Before him stood a sweet, pale-skinned gaijin librarian who seemed, before Ranma's eyes, to glow. Her lustrous chestnut hair, her warm chocolate eyes, and even the way she held the books in her arms called to Ranma...

While Ranma was paying attention to the nametag on her collar, which read Rayne Misato, by the way, the poor young woman with a stack of books blocking her view tripped on a snag in the carpet.

Ranma's world went black under a copy of "War and Peace".

---------Outside---------

"THIS is my step-son?....Damn, you were right. He IS gorgeous, Mara-chan.....Mara-chan?"

A certain demoness was busy twisting her newpaper into tiny little tornado bits and imagining a certain librarian roasting in Nifleheim's barbecue.

Ranma was HERS!!!

...Mara promptly killed that thought and smoothed her hair.

It was a secret even to herself that she was rejoicing theat she lived with him and Rayne Misato did not.

--------------------------TBC-----------------------

Next time on Shattered Back Together: wait and see!!

I know this one was short....I'm kind of on a tight schedule, and besides, I don't want to rush things too fast.

A few more chapters 'til epilogue!


	5. I'm A God, How'Bout You?

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. My ideas for this fic are getting blown out of the water bit by bit. I couldn't think of a match-up, or how to get Ranma with the original character, who's only gonna have a cameo in this chap. The winner of my school's anime cub match-up poll is: -drumrollllllllllllllll- HILD/RANMA! DAMN, that's gonna be a hard one....

**----------------Chapter Four: I'm A God, How 'Bout You?-------------**

Ranma opened his eyes, a fretting librarian standing over him and almost crying a storm.

"Oh my god! Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I? Oh please tell me you're...oh, hello, ladies. May I help you?"

Ranma groaned, bringing the librarian's attention back to him, until one of the women (Ranma thought "Mara?! What the hell?!") shifted her weight, and the librarian's attention jumped back to the two waiting ladies. Ranma couldn't believe he ever thought this chick was attractive. Sure, she was good-looking, but he'd never really been one to base things on looks.

After all, Shampoo had been a bitch and a half to him. Thinking on that, Ranma realized just about every female he knew, besides Kasumi and Belldandy, was nuts in some way. He began ticking his fingers as the attention-deficit librarian began worrying over a man who sneezed into his book before returning her attention to the ever-impatient Mara.

One: Nabiki. Bitch and a half, and a mercenary with money. Definitely not marriage material.

Two: Nodoka. Obsessive-compulsive when it comes to mentioning her son's "manliness", which is solely based on how often he peeps on and screws women.

Three: Ukyou. Who in their right mind carries a giant spatula for a weapon? Then obsesses over one thing, one person, for ten years?

Four: Shampoo....let's not go there.

Five: Akane. Ranma shuddered. Bitch. Violent. Evil. Destructive. Abusive. Somehow creates brand-new evolutionary levels of evil and pain with every use of the kitchen.

Six: Urd. She was just nuts. And horny. And nuts.

Seven: Skuld. She carried a huge hammer with her wherever she went, and refused to think straight when he was around. And the creative ways she tortured that Keiichi guy for "hurting Belldandy-neechan" were damned hilarious.

Mara: Ranma paused. He'd not really spent any time getting to know the demon. He decided he'd give her a chance.

Ranma's eyes collided with a pair of very tan, very long legs. His view traveled up their length and found slim hips in a white robe. His eyes bugged as they met the voluptuous chest, the smooth tan skin of the neck, and then the beautiful face of the figure next to Mara. Who couldn't take her glorious blue eyes off of Ranma's.

Ranma couldn't stifle a whistle. Nor, it seemed, could his angel. The figure smiled broadly as both Ranma and Hotaru blushed at the realization they'd gone and made like the Mask in the Coco Bongo.

"Well, I see you enjoy the view, Ranma-san. My name's Hild. Mara's told me all about you."

Ranma blushed again, and hastily stood up, bowing apologetically to Hild. Hild shrugged it off.

"You can make it up to me over lunch, Ranma-chan."

Ranma barely flinched at the mention of his former nickname, instead nodding nearly helplessly and taking Hild's arm. Mara, fuming, attempted to follow, but Hild turned, winked, and blew a kiss at the demon. Effectively trapping her within the confines of the library for two hours. And making her mad as all holy hell, but still.

Ranma, however, was focusing on not sticking his foot in his mouth as he led Hild to a rather nice restaurant in the Azabu-Juuban district, a fun little place called the Crown Arcade. Hild ordered a scoop of ice cream, Ranma indulged himself and ordered some imported whiskey, a strange concoction called a Jack Daniels that was nonetheless a powerful kick to the senses.. Hotaru had a double scoop of fudge ripple.

And so began the small talk.

"So, Ranma, I hear you're a god."

Okay, make that not so small talk. Ranma's angel started freaking out. Until Ranma bought her a triple scoop of chocolate swirl.

"Yeah, I'm Ranma Ohkami, class two, category two God of Martial Arts, Rain, and Cats. Why?"

Hild grinned broadly, and genuinely. Ranma, for the short time she'd known him, seemed like a really nice guy.

Ranma was knocked off his feet as he saw Hild's smile. Damn, but she was beautiful! And she seemed really nice. Before he knew what was happening, Ranma found himself spilling his deepest secrets to Hild, Hotaru pitching in every now and then. Hild's gaze grew angry, then pitiable, then adoring, then lustful, then shocked, then angry again, until finally, as Ranma told her about his recent experiences with his new family, relieved and not a little loving. She decided to tell him.

"Ranma, you're a really great guy...I wouldn't mind spending more time with you...but...I'm..I'm the great demoness Hild-sama. I rule Nifleheim."

There, she said it. Now he was gonna go nuts and try to kill her and she was going to have to kill him and why did she have to say it? And why was she acting like a teenage schoolgirl on her first crush? She heard Ranma slugging the last of the whiskey back and wiping his mouth with his sleeve. His answer:

"So? It ain't like yer evil."

Was the last thing she expected.

-------------------**Elsewhere, after a certain mob died down**--------------

Zhang He, Zhou Yu, and Zhao Yun found themselves trying to calm a certain demon. Or rather, Zhao Yun and Zhang He tried to calm the demoness Mara while Zhou Yu made out with a certain A.D.D.-suffering librarian. Mara, meanwhile, was pissed that Hild was taking her man on a date, leaving Mara trapped to watch Tweedle-Red and Tweedle-Book make out like teenagers in a movie.

Of course, she thought as she eyed Zhao Yun with great interest, it was no great loss. Zhang he swiftly gave up attempting to calm Mara down as she took to making with Zhao Yun the way the librarian was making with Zhou Yu.

Zhang He merely shook his head, picked up his heels, and walked outside. Directly into a certain pony-tailed young woman in search of her lost "little brother". Of course, Zhang He payed little to no attention to that. No, he was busy praising what gods provided him with this glorious vision of unsurpassed beauty. Of course, in his praising the gods, he forgot quite readily that he, himself, was one of them. Life was crazy like that.

"Pardon me, my dear, but I couldn't help but notice how your radiant beauty shines on this fair day. May I be of service to you, please but ask of me anything."

"Oh, my...."

-----------------**The Crown Arcade**---------------

"I mean, seriously. So ya like makin' mischief and havin' fun. That's cool. An' people gotta suffer a little, or they ain't never gonna be any good. I mean, look at me."

Hild winked one eye, indicating that she was indeed looking at him. The gesture had the effect of making Ranma blush and making Hotaru giggle. Her master was very funny.

"I am looking at you, Ranma-kun, but I think I get what you're saying."

Ranma nodded once before sighing inwardly. Belldandy was going to have a fit when she saw Ranma blushing like this. Not to mention Bast and Sekhmet...

Ranma groaned, burying his face in his arms as he realized that. He seriously doubted his mothers would like him having half-demon children. Ranma's eye twitched, and Hotaru immediately picked up on Ranma's thought. Which started a tirade that Ranma returned.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YA MEAN, HOW COULD I THINK O' HAVIN' CHILDREN WITH HER?!?!"

Which, of course, brought Ranma and Hotaru up short as Hild's spoon dropped from her fingers and she got this giggly glazed look in her eyes.

Babies...more babies. More holding her children and cuddling them and nuzzling them...Hotaru and Ranma waved a hand before her face multiple times before looking at each other and shrugging. What the hell was it with women and kids? Ranma sighed and grabbed another bottle of Jack Daniels, slugging it back.

Now, two things occurred from this unwitting downing of serious alcohol. First, we must take some things into consideration. Ranma, the exceptionally powerful mortal, had only recently been turned into Ranma, the incredibly powerful god. His body was still growing accustomed to its death and rebirth. However, some of his old physical traits made themselves known from time to time. Such as Ranma's extreme intolerance to alcohol.

With these things in consideration, it is very easy to picture Ranma becoming sledgehammered from the consumption of an exceptional amount of high-proof alcohol. Now, combined with that, and Ranma's junior nature in godliness, a spike of power radiated from him to all of those in a five-mile radius.

A youma was vaporized, the sailor senshi evolved to a calling of higher power than Eternal, and a certain green-haired senshi realized her dreams of controlling mankind were rather misplaced. But none of that's here nor there.

The direct effect, and the one this story hinges on, is that fact that the power Ranma radiated was intoxicating to most deities. I.E. demons and gods. Especially ones that don't expect it. And Hild, lost in her child-induced stupor, didn't expect Ranma to get sloshed and radiate power like a sun. In moments, both beings of higher power were off their rocker for a good, long time.

Hotaru sighed and grabbed Ranma's back, helping both him and Hild off into the street. Nobody looked twice and a legless, winged redhead carrying two sledged figures with odd tattoos on their faces. Nobody bothered the poor angel as she aimed the two through a doorway, focusing on Ranma's power and sending them tumbling directly into the bed in Ranma's apartment before the strain of resisting the waves of power and effects of the alcohol caught up with her, and she succumbed. She entered Ranma once more to recuperate, and, in such a position, was unable to prevent what happened next.

Two attractive deities with budding feelings for each other plus absent inhibitions plus no chaperones equals helluva wake-up call the next morning.

--------------**Meanwhile, elsewhere...**----------------

Zhang He held Kasumi's hand as they strolled through the streets, idly pointing out different locales, as two figures descended before them, grinning. One, wearing a set of Chinese robes and a round straw cap, had lightning arcing from the various limbs of his body. The other, with a white ponytail and no shirt, had wind swirling around his forearms and ankles. Raiden and Fujin, Ranma's brothers, instantly clasped hands with their old comrade and friend, Zhang He.

"Well done, He. Kami-sama sends his thanks for getting the job done."

Zhang He bowed quickly before straightening.

"So...it is done?"

"It is. Why Kami-sama would set his own ex-wife up with HIM is beyond me..."

"When did they get divorced, anyhow?"

Zhang He sighed and shook his head. Was he the ONLY one who paid attention to his lord's matters?

"Our lord, Kami-sama, fell out with his wife after Urd was born a goddess. Hild had rather been hoping for a demon...well, Kami-sama chose HIM for her as he can give her what she needs best. Besides, she already thought he was hot."

At this, all three gods bowed their heads as though a tremendous weight were placed on them. Of course, it could just be them....

Kasumi, on the other hand, with her older sister's intuition, instantly knew what had happened.

"Yay! I'm going to be an auntie! Oh! But what will I wear to the baby shower?"

The three gods' heads hung lower.

**----------------------Author's Corner---------------------**

Yes, yes, I'm pretty much taking this one slowly. My other works are still on, I just need my inspiration to return to them.


	6. Chapter 5: Christmas Time In Hell

**Shattered Back Together**  
_A Ranma Nibunoichi fanfiction  
By Matthew Talbain_

**----------------Chapter Five: Just Like Christmastime in Hell!-------------**

He awakened. It was a slow, laborious process, and he had one hell of a hangover, but he was awakening. His body and mind slowly went through the slow process of rebooting. First, his awareness drive kicked in, then his locomotors began to warm up. Basic mentality programs began to run. However, his photosensitive optical receptors seemed unwilling to begin operation.

It was then that he decided to explore the strange weight on his chest with his upper locomotors. His arm began to slide along the soft, smooth surface, and his hands came into contact with a pleasantly large globe. A low groan echoed, and his emergency override activated. His optical receptors snapped into operation, and suddenly, a beautiful, platinum-haired woman was lying on his chest, her hand twined with his free one, and her other arm snaking behind her head to cradle his.

Now, she did not suddenly appear there as soon as his eyes opened. That is just how it seemed to him. She had, in fact, been lying on top of him for a good long time. He began to sweat, wondering just what the hell he'd done this time, and hoping to the Heavens he lived in they weren't naked.

But Kami-sama laughed his ass off as he pressed the "decline prayer" button.

Ranma lifted the blanket he and his partner lay under, and suddenly decided that wasn't a very smart thing to do. An eyeful of bare, beautiful woman met his eyes, and he knew he was in for it when she woke up. He turned his gaze to her face, and inwardly, every alarm system in his alcohol-fogged mind began to blare. However, as the only employee within Ranma's emergency system not sloshed was the alarm-system activator, Ranma did not manage to do anything at all when he saw that the woman in his arms was awake.

He did, to his credit, perform admirably well when she cuddled him, and merely smiled worriedly.

"Mmm…this feels nice. So, I finally managed to capture the Wild Horse, ne?"

Ranma simply nodded dumbly while Hild stretched in just the right way to set off alarms of an entirely different sort.

"It's a damn shame I can't remember any of it. I'm REALLY sore. You must've been good." A feral grin alit on her features as she looked at her lover's sweat-shined body. She gathered her considerable metaphysical assets, and prepared for her attack.

Ranma had little warning, and less reactivity, as Hild pounced. Her lips met his, and though he wanted to resist, he also felt an attachment to this woman. Deciding to give in, and enjoying the Hell out of it, he kissed back just as fiercely. The blanket ended up covering them once more as they engaged in activities that they would remember THIS time.

------------------------------------------

Hotaru entered the room with a tray of food with two plates on top of it. She had long ago exited Ranma's body and decided to fix breakfast while he and Hild…spent quality time together. She also grinned mischievously as she felt the pishogue flows in Hild's body beginning to pool into her womb in minute amounts. She set the tray, shook her master, got no response, shook him again, got no response, smacked him in the head, got no response, pulled out a mallet and beat him manically, got no response, and gave up.

Or did she?

Hotaru quickly left the room, and Hild, who was reawakening by now, could hear the angel rummaging in some sort of closet. Her eyes widened when she saw the angel reenter the room with a large taser. Which was promptly placed to Ranma's neck.

Needless to say, Ranma was awake, albeit twitching, and eating moments later. All the while complaining about upstart angels. Hotaru merely beamed. Hild sweatdropped while she ate.

Hotaru allowed Ranma to finish his food while Hild snuggled him, having finished her own food a little earlier. As Ranma finished his last swallow, a series of musical notes could be heard to come from his angel.

Hild and Ranma both did a spit-take, which was strange considering neither had any food or liquid in their mouths, and coated Hotaru in…something.

"WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!"

The happy couple fainted while Hotaru went to go take a shower.

-----------------------------------------------

A pair of mothers waited outside their son's door, debating whether they should knock or just go on in. They only debated for a moment with propriety. He was their son, after all, and they'd seen him naked plenty of times. After all, Raiden and Fujin never could leave him alone when he was in the bath.

They barged into the apartment, linking arms and prepared to give their son a great big hug when they heard him, and another, yell.

"WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!"

At that, the two goddesses swooned and ran into the bedroom. The strange sight before them was quite hilarious. One, an angel covered in…some stuff, flying into the bathroom and blasting the hot water. Two, their naked son twitching, with little arcs of electricity running over his body, his eyes swirling. Three, a platinum-haired woman whose assets made them feel really…inadequate, strangely unaffected by the current still running through their son's body.

Certainly, they recognized Hild-sama. Certainly, they knew she ruled Niflheim. Of course, they knew they should probably be trying to tie her up and chuck her into some deep, fiery pit of despair. But there was something more important at the moment.

"WAI! WE'RE GONNA HAVE GRANDBABIES!"

Once again, the classic anime mother comes to the fore, completely disregarding one set of problems and creating a whole slew of new ones.

"Ooooh, Sekhmet, we're gonna get to use the nursery again!"

"Ooooh, Bast, we're gonna get to huggle and cuddle babies again!"

"Ooooh, Sekhmet, do you think we'll get to name our grandbabies?"

"Ooooh, Bast….what will we wear to the baby shower!"

See what I mean?

------------------------

Raiden and Fujin entered the domicile rather quietly, looking behind them to make certain their followers remained silent. As they all snuck in and took up various positions around the room, Raiden and Fujin walked up and knocked on the closed door. There was no answer.

Raiden, being Raiden, decided to go hide himself, and sweatdropped as he entered the target room. "Kami-samadamnit, Odin! Nobody falls for the lampshade thing nowadays!" The God merely shrugged and adjusted the lampshade sitting on his head as the door down the hall opened up. The sound of somebody hitting their head very, very hard against a hard, wooden surface could be heard. Very loudly, I might add. And it sounded painful, too. Really painful. Not quite as painful as jabbing your eyes out with needles, but still pretty painful. And loud. Louder than a banshee, anyway. You get the idea. I think.

"Hello, Fujin. Have you come to see my son?"

Fujin merely nodded, beckoned, and pointed down the hall. Sekhmet nodded, and closed the doors. The sounds of a head banging intensified for one really loud, really painful bang, and the door opened again. Two goddesses, incredibly happy I might add, were carrying their dazed son into the living room. A demonic queen, bouncing and bubbly with joy, followed.

"SURPRISE!"

And the baby shower began…

"Hey, Aphrodite, nice legs, when do they open?"

"Get the hell away from me Loki."

"I'm THOR!"

"So put some ice on it!"

"I never loved your mother, you know that."

"Um…when'd Keith Richards get here?"

"DID SOMEBODY SPIKE THE PUNCH!"

The party fell silent. Everybody realized that NOBODY had spiked the punch. Yet. Shrugging the person at the bowl pulled out some powder and poured it into the bowl "surreptitiously". "PARTY ON!"

The party continued on for many, many hours, as gifts were given to the unexpected couple, fights raged, and more babies were conceived. It was later revealed that all seven of the children conceived at that party had the same 'father'. But that's neither here nor there. What is, is that Ranma actually enjoyed his baby's shower.

"Hey, Hild? Who brought us the freaky lamp?"

….Don't go there, Saotome. Don't go there….

* * *

A/N: I know, not up to the usual SBT standard, but I'm getting back into the groove. At least I'm posting again! 


End file.
